Creating Connection

“We must recognize that we are more than ‘homo sapiens’. We are ‘homo vinculum’ -the one who bonds with others. And these bonds are what will save us. They always have.” – Dr. Sue Johnson

Attachment science offers a way to understand our need to bond with others and how to repair relationships. It helps us understand the negative impact on social disconnection and loneliness.

Both of which are on the rise in many modern societies, especially now during the pandemic.

Despite modern technology, we have a hard time hearing each other.  We are sending messages to our significant others, yet they may not be able to understand what we are trying to say. Emotionally Focussed Therapy helps us tune in to significant others and ourselves. Guided by Attachment science it improves connections with ourselves, our partners, and our families.

In Couple Therapy, EFT has been the gold standard for years with lots of scientific data backing up the theory and clinical practice. EFT has been heralded by Time magazine and the New York Times as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success. It noted that couples who use EFT see a 75 percent success rate. 

The book for the general public on Couple therapy by Dr. Sue Johnson is Hold Me Tight and is described by Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., author of Getting It Right the First Time, as, “

A truly revolutionary, breakthrough book… the most important, valuable book for couples published in the 21st century.”

It takes the readers through a journey of 7 conversations through which safe connections can be restored and mutually fulfilling relationships can blossom. At first, couples must learn to see what is the behavioral pattern they are getting stuck in. Once that is clear they can decide to change “ the music” and behave differently. After that, it is important to connect securely and have trust that the partner is there for them. This will allow the relationship to become more solid and secure.

Not every couple is able to learn this from a book though. We all have blindspots and fixed behavioral patterns that make it hard to start the process of restoring one’s relationship. With the support of a trained therapist, they can successfully improve their relationship.

By improving connections with those we care about, we improve the quality of our lives. Emotions are key in organizing behaviors. “EFT is a way of seeing clients and their relationships through a systemic and experiential frame, a way of being with each client that promotes growth, as these variables are understood in terms of both these frames.” Dr. Sue Johnson, The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy.

Written By:
Allard Mueller
Psychotherapist & Counsellor
SACAC Counselling

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