Month: March 2023

Suffering is universal and comes in different forms. It can be physical, emotional, psychological, or all together at one time. Grief is complex and unique in every case. It can alter one’s lifestyle, behavior, and personality as well as affect the people around him. One of my clients told me, “I was sixty-five years old when my husband died. What I am saying is that I had lived long enough to have suffered some awful pains, and done my share of grieving. But with my husband gone, I just could not seem to snap out of it.”

The prolonged grief in her resulted in depression. She became isolated and withdrew from all social functions. You might be one of those who have lost someone you loved or known someone who has lost somebody close to them, or you may be suffering because of a terminal sickness; or because of financial difficulties as a result of a job loss, a marital problem or a loved one suffering mental illness.

Grief and suffering are difficult to handle. How does one cope with them? How does one work through the difficult days, weeks, months, and possibly years? There is no right or wrong formula or a way to handle them. How one grieves depends on many factors. It depends on his or her personality and coping styles, his life experiences and faith, as well as the nature of the pain and suffering. The healing process is always gradual. It cannot be forced or hurried. Thus, there is no timetable for grieving. What one experiences is different but the process will take time. Therefore, it is important to be patient and to allow the process to unfold itself organically in its due time. It can be short for some, and lengthy for others.

The Five Stages Of Grief

Grief is not something one can just try to get over it needs to run its course. The loss of someone or the encounter with something tragic can be extremely hard and painful. A person can experience all kinds of unending and difficult feelings from pain and suffering. It is the normality of life. In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler Ross introduced in her book “On Death and Dying” what has become known as the “Five Stages of Grief.” They help us to understand what a person goes through during such times. The five stages of grief are based on her studies of the feelings of patients who were faced with a terminal illness. Many have generalized them to other types of negative effects from the changes and losses in life.

The first stage is denial where one rejects what has happened or is happening to him or her. The second stage is where anger creeps in to complicate the sadness or pain one is experiencing. The third stage is to bargain by making promises to God, to ourselves, or to others in the hope to be well again. If it does, one will fulfill their part of the bargain. The fourth stage is where depression sets in where a person experiences a sense of helplessness and even hopelessness. The fifth stage is where one begins to accept as he or she recognizes that this is it, and there is really nothing he or she can do to change the situation or circumstances.

Grieving or suffering is unique and personal to each individual person. The five stages do not necessarily take place chronologically, nor does everyone goes through the same stages. In fact, some people resolve it without going through any of these stages while others go through every single stage with its full implications. While it can be a roller coaster ride as it can become rough, bumpy, and lengthy for some. No matter how many or what stages one goes through, it usually becomes less intense and shorter as time passes. Thus, time is needed to iron out the pain of suffering.

1. Acceptance – No matter what causes grief or suffering like the death of a loved one, physical illness, unemployment, fear, or uncertainty of the future, do not deny it but accept it.
2. Acknowledgment – Do not try to suppress or bury any pain or grief. But acknowledge them as the more you try to avoid the feelings of sadness, the longer the grieving process will be prolonged. Any unresolved grief can lead to complications such as depression, anger, anxiety, and other health problems.
3. Release and Rest – Any feelings of loss and helplessness that sweep over us, do not try to hold back the tears. Tears are therapeutic. They release the tension of sadness and grief from our hearts which can be hard to express with words. Tears also exhaust the body and force us to rest as the pain of suffering can prevent a hurting person from doing so.
4. Express – Talk to a trusted friend or a relative who will listen to you. Share with them your pains and burdens. Do not harbor them in your hearts or try to carry the load yourself. You can also use art to express your feelings. You can also write a letter to the deceased to say the things you never got the chance to speak. Make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life. Have a picnic at the grave site with surviving family members.
5. Journal – Write down your feelings and pains and the things that are affecting your life. Writing your thoughts and feelings on paper will help to clarify and sort through your feeling. Sometimes you can even find the answers or way out for yourself through writing.
6. Stay Active – Find something to do especially when you are overwhelmed by sadness or negative thoughts and feelings. Go for a walk, clean the house, run errands, visit a friend, sing, or paint. Do something you enjoy and bring fulfillment to yourself or to others.
7. Stay Healthy – The mind, soul, and spirit are connected. Therefore, when you are feeling depressed, you will neglect your physical, and emotional needs. Thus, you must take care of your physical needs. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating well, and doing exercises. Do not use substances to numb the pain or to try and change your moods.
8. Watch for triggers” of grief – Birthdays, anniversaries, or special holidays can trigger memories and feelings of sadness. This is normal but be prepared for how it can affect you. Be kind and patient to yourself and to others at such times.
9. Faith – If you have faith, put it in the divine being you believe in. Feelings of hopelessness can consume all your energy in a destructive way. Faith will enable you to embrace pain positively together with the right perspective, it will be easier to make any necessary changes in your life and manage the pain of suffering better.
10. Support – Good friends or support groups can be helpful to us. Communicate and express clearly what and how you like others to help and support you during the darkest hours.
    
    If you have been impacted by any grief and loss, please do not hesitate to call SACAC as we have a group of professional therapists and psychologists who can help you.
    
    Written By:
    Joyce Ng
    Clinical Psychologist
    Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
    SACAC Counselling

Deep inside of us still lives the child we once were, our ‘inner child’.
Taking the decision to explore this part of ourselves and connect with the little one we once were, takes us on a journey to the core of our being. We can then embrace, bolster and heal that child. Many adults are oblivious that, deep within themselves, such a delicate and sensitive, often wounded part of who they were has deeply influenced their path forward.
Of paramount importance is to understand that this part of us not only holds our aptitude for innocence, wonder, joy, sensitivity and playfulness but often holds childhood hurts, traumas, fears and anger as well.
The view of several current psychological approaches holds that true adulthood integrates, acknowledges and takes responsibility for our own inner child. Instead of denying, neglecting, abandoning or rejecting this part of ourselves, we embrace it, listen to it, nurture it, treat it with love and ultimately heal it.
Our wounded child will respond to genuineness and integrity to our connection. Much beyond our inner child, we may also touch on the suffering of several generations. Our mother or our father may have suffered throughout their lives and had no awareness and possibility to look after the wounded child in themselves. It is liberating and incredibly powerful to be aware that when we embrace the little child within us, we are also healing wounded children of past generations, sometimes correcting ancestral patterns of suffering. If we can heal our wounded child, we will liberate ourselves but also help to liberate whoever has hurt us. Inner Child hypnotherapy can create positive changes in the adult who seeks greater self-respect, self-confidence, self-worth and self-acceptance. It can help overcome self-sabotaging behavior learnt to cope with the abuse and dysfunction in the family we grew up in. To achieve these goals requires the client’s full cooperation. One must really want to heal and make the changes; one must be open to believing that healing is possible and that positive changes can be made; and you must be willing to use the tools and techniques provided. Part of the therapeutic process involves conscious cognitive dialogue. Clients are asked questions to gain an understanding of their childhood and family of origin, and to identify the specific incidents that harmed them. It will be explored how they tried to cope and what self-sabotaging behavior developed which creates road blocks for them as adults. To develop a positive and trusting relationship with the client, the first one or two hypnotic sessions are spent creating a peaceful, calm state in which rapport is established and the client is helped to let go of fear, anxiety, and worry about the process. Techniques that deepen the hypnotic state and promote relaxation, develop self-esteem, and improve self-confidence are used. During the hypnotherapy sessions a variety of hypnotic suggestions are presented, as well as visualizations, and other techniques to access and relate to the client’s inner child, and change limiting beliefs and negative emotions with positive feelings, attitudes, and empowering beliefs. Positive coping strategies that target their goals are provided to the subconscious mind, promoting self-love in place of self-sabotage. Hypnotherapy and inner child work has a powerful impact on people’s lives and the inner child work reconnects us with this part of ourselves longing to be heard, held and healed. It is a profoundly rewarding work that enables us, in a nurturing and loving way, to come back home and to heal our fragmented self.

References

(588 w)
https://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/hypnotherapy-and-the
inner-child
https://mindworkshypnotherapy.com/index.php/resources/applications/inner-child
hypnosis/

Written By:
Laura Spalvieri
Counsellor & Psychotherapist
SACAC Counselling